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Long Time No Post

Please please pardon the long delay in posts. A lot going on here, but who cares about all that, let’s get to the terrible advice, shall we? Pretend this little thing never happened? Just call it even?...

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One Or The Other

He can’t figure it out… “This is a picture of a guy on my street who nonchalantly walks his skateboarding dog every day. One time I said something amazing to him like, “What will they think of next!”...

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Don’t Make Him

I think I pissed him off: “I only drink two things: Coffee and Alcohol. I only smoke two things: Cigarettes and Weed. I only shoot two things: Hoops and Clay Pigeons. Don’t make me add a third, bitch.”...

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Old Dirty

His high school memories are catching up with him: “It’s so hard to tell when my jeans are stained and when I’m having an acid flashback. Don’t wanna be a guy who washes his jeans a lot though. Gotta...

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It’s Not Over

Until your old shitty body says it is. This makes me so sad about getting older: “Oh I’m sorry dick and bladder, I figured we were done peeing when you completely stopped peeing and let me zip up my...

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How Many Times Can One Man Get Fired?

Or quit or whatever other bullshit… “Well I quit my job today. Had to give my dipshit boss a ride to the Saab dealership because his Saab’s vulva collapsed and I take a turn real hard along the way...

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Shoutout To The Youth

From a complete dickhead: “Hey I just wanted to thank everyone under the age of 30 for being so absolutely shitty at everything that it gives drunks with emotional problems like me a second chance at...

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How To Have Sex With Your Co-Workers

Important information for summer internships: “The best way to nail coworkers is to go out to a bar with them and hit on other random chicks at the bar in front of them. You probably won’t get laid...

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Just Don’t

Or do. I dunno anymore… “Just punched a bee out of the air. Why? Because I could. Most people can’t even swat a bee against a wall, let alone punch the honey out of one that’s MID FUCKING FLIGHT. And...

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The Good Old Days

Surprise! He misses them: “I yearn for the days when you could just casually lie in conversation without some fucktard Googling your lie and calling you out on it. Just babbled on about some historical...

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